Cutting

[nissaayen]

Seven years, eleven months, 16 days and 20 minutes and some hange i think.  That's how long it's been since i last cut. I feel like a very dry alcoholic. sometimes it's a thing that doesnt even exist to me anymore and othertimes it's all i ever wanted and needed and it takes every bit of my will power to keep from slipping up.  

Because everyone would be sad for me and dissapointed and in the end they'd not really understand what happened.  But it's still there.

I feel like i dont get to be sick anymore which frankly is not good for my psyche. I dunno if i think Richard could handle it after all that Anita has done. I dunno if Richard could handle it with how sick he is. Even when  im physically ill there are 12 things more important than me being sick.

That's why sometimes i hoard thoughts of cutting and why i can't always share how im feeling.  I know Richard would like to absolve himself of all blame (except for the times he has to claim it all) but sometimes people do things that are hurtful. Sometimes i feel like all the pain i have is easier to handle silently and invisibly than to explain why its there.

How many days ago... 2908 days
How many weeks ago... 415 weeks
How many months ago... 95 months
How many hours ago... 69792 hours
How many minutes ago... 4187520 minutes
How many seconds ago... 251251200 seconds

And counting