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Emotional labor
Oct. 17th, 2017 01:08 pm In my relationships i tend to be the person who tends the emotional labor. I'm the one that worries.. what work needs to be done to keep us together, to keep our household afloat, to make sure my children are being supported and grown.
Being a survivor of an abusive relationship means I'm hyper aware of other people's moods and i feel a strong need to smooth edges, question odd behaviour, decide if i can help or if i need to hunker down. I have to be constantly mindful of saying and doing the right thing because if i make mistakes i could be punished.. in this sense i dont mean deliberately but with the normal hot/cold way that people behave with moods that cuts at me like a knife.
Being the head of household is another set of emotional labors. Not only do i need to manage the moods of my household but i have to prioritize. I have to keep the house clean, the bills paid, and manage food and diapers. I have to tell people when all we can do is sacrifice ... i have to sacrifice more so people can get what they need. Being HOH means doing without even when i need the deposit into my emotional bank account. Times 100 because im a mom.
Every day im giving more than what i have and not filling back up anywhere and I'm tired.. dead tired.. bone dead. I have nothing else to pour out, not sexuality, not emotionally, nothing.
I imagine right now I'm a shitty friend... a shitty partner because all my resources are used above anything i might still has goes to being the best mom i can be. I want to be more but right now I'm so tired, empty, and alone.
Being a survivor of an abusive relationship means I'm hyper aware of other people's moods and i feel a strong need to smooth edges, question odd behaviour, decide if i can help or if i need to hunker down. I have to be constantly mindful of saying and doing the right thing because if i make mistakes i could be punished.. in this sense i dont mean deliberately but with the normal hot/cold way that people behave with moods that cuts at me like a knife.
Being the head of household is another set of emotional labors. Not only do i need to manage the moods of my household but i have to prioritize. I have to keep the house clean, the bills paid, and manage food and diapers. I have to tell people when all we can do is sacrifice ... i have to sacrifice more so people can get what they need. Being HOH means doing without even when i need the deposit into my emotional bank account. Times 100 because im a mom.
Every day im giving more than what i have and not filling back up anywhere and I'm tired.. dead tired.. bone dead. I have nothing else to pour out, not sexuality, not emotionally, nothing.
I imagine right now I'm a shitty friend... a shitty partner because all my resources are used above anything i might still has goes to being the best mom i can be. I want to be more but right now I'm so tired, empty, and alone.
