Sep. 20th, 2017

nissaayen: (Default)
Wow. I started this about 2 hours ago and got overwhelmed by all the people I'd like to explain, define, and categorize. Life doesn't really work that way. So my plan is to add people to this post as I mention them.
Honey/Anita is my would be ex-girlfriend. That is we flirted with a relationship but it never came to fruition because our mental illnesses clash in a way that makes us both sick in the worst ways. She is the mother of my daughter and middle child. She  was a primary and a secondary for my sadist at points in the last few years. Their status is currently unknown as it is being defined presently. She is bipolar and borderline  which i only mention because it is how she defines herself. We met June  2014. Addendum: i always knew honey was a placeholder until i could find the right moniker. Anita because she can be an awesome partner, the best, until her insecurities get the best of her and she picks at it until it cant be maintained anymore. See also Anita Blake books for the reference. Current status with the sadist co-parent and nothing more. She kinda sabatoged any chance of a working relationship between them at the end.

My sadist is my primary relationship. We met in 2001 and we started seeing each other in 2010.  He is the father of my daughter and my youngest son. Our bdsm relationship is on hold currently because the breakup of our poly family has put an extraordinary amount of stress on our personal relationship and we need to do a significant amount of rebuilding. I love him and we plan to be together for the rest of our life. He has many chronic health issues. 

The Roman is my secondary partner though i hate hate hate the tital of secondary because it seems to imply that the feelings arent as important when really it means i dont have as many resources for him as i would like. He lives in Kentucky. Ive known him since 1996 though we only started pursuing a relationship October 2015.  He's nearly always been there for me. We also have a bdsm relationship but it's more of a switching kind of relationship.

The nemesis is a lot of things and as the name suggests not many of them good.  He's kinda like the bad guy in Jessica Jones without the superpowers. He was a witch... a damn good one. We were poly only not really. I met him in 2002 and i was seeing him full time for 2 years and off and on until 2005. He was abusive as fuck and bdsm. He broke my brain and when he left me i had no idea how i would live without him.  I still follow thought paths he put in there from time to time. When he's with me i can't think, i cant get angry, i cant say no.  He made finding healthy a super big problem. Delusions i have associated with him include him being the reincarnation of Alistor Crowley and a repeated pattern on the wheel of him trying to steal my soul.

The dream doctor.... ive known the dream doctor since 1999 when we worked together at mcdonalds. Sometimes we are best friends, sometimes we've been lovers, other times we've just kinda been nearby. We are done with all the labels but friend now though.

Leviathan;  Lev is just lev. With his permission i left his name as is because i can't think of anything more appropriate than the name he gave himself.  Lev and i met ... roughly 2006 before i was married. He's been many things. Spiritual guidance, friend, love interest. It shifts and chanes routinly. He lives in Tennessee however which can be a problem.  We have a standing date Mondays to commiserate with and support each other.

Dark Angel first female love. There are a lot of things that could be discussed and defined here but most of it is irrelevant. I thought about writing about her today so i thought I'd drop a reference point to come back to. Her birthday is close to mine, the day before. We met i 1997 and were inseparable best friends until her abusive parents got in the way. We reconnected in 2005 breifly until same abusive parents got in the way again. I loved her and i wanted to date her but it never went that way. Had to let her go to be healthy with myself.

Rhiannon- i can and have in other places written pages and pages about the complexities of our relationship. She was my brother's ex-wife just about 12 years older than me (give or take) my best friend and my first female lover. She was my mother at times and my child at others. We practiced magick together. We shared everything.  We were estranged near the beginning if my marriage. Even then we both loved each other deeply. She passed away a few years ago and its been a very hard blow for me. 


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