Sep. 11th, 2017

nissaayen: (Default)
I spend 90% of my life in recovery for my ptsd issues. A lot of that is looking at the parts of me that are -not normal- and reframing them so nobody else has to be put out because im broken.  I really do know that my recovery is not your responsibility.

This one though is cost of doing buisness. I've been abused a lot. The punishment went from verbal abuse to sexual abuse with a little physical mixed in. A large part of my life is knowing that somebody is mad and trying to fix it before it hurts me.

So when you have to "get angry to get motivated" or you are so frustrated with the kids you are randomly cussing, If you had a shit day and are just are irritable, don't tell me its not about me so i shouldnt worry.

I will always worry and try to make things better. I'll always flinch when you yell. I'll always feel unsafe when the house vibrates with unspoken tension. I'll always want to cut and be hyperaroused until things can be made safe.

Don't tell me it's not personal because I'll  always be hurt by your anger. 

Im not asking you to change but maybe to understand after why im over sensitive after.  Why i flinch when you yell and when you yell at me why i shatter for days.




Profile

nissaayen: (Default)
NissaAyen

October 2017

S M T W T F S
12 34 567
89 1011121314
15 16 1718192021
22232425262728
293031    

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Oct. 19th, 2017 10:39 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios